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Post by True Patriot on Sept 19, 2010 20:30:05 GMT -5
What would be your snappy retort
to the following stupid questions? 1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
 Are you a juggler?
Is this the end of the line?
3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
4. You're conducting a meeting when you are asked...
Can I go to the bathroom?
5. You exchange business cards and are asked...
Is this your email address/phone number?
6. You're in public and a mother asks...
Isn't my baby beautiful?
7. You've just ordered dinner and are asked...
Would you like something to drink?
8. You've finished your meal and are asked...
Are you done?
9. You've in an elevator and are asked...
Got the time?
10. You're obviously pregnant when someone asks...
Are you pregnant?
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 20, 2010 17:39:10 GMT -5
1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
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Post by Occupant on Sept 23, 2010 0:36:01 GMT -5
2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
As a matter of fact it is. Pity you didn't get here just a few minutes sooner before it ended.
3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
Well now that you mention it, my dog hasn't been walked all day and my lawn needs mowing. How fast can you get to my house?
4. You're conducting a meeting when you are asked...
Can I go to the bathroom?
Well you're certainly free to try but if you're unsuccessful, might I suggest coffee and a bran muffin, it usually works for me.
This is fun!!! 
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Birdie
Lecturer
Pilgrim
Love is Tweet!
Posts: 771
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Post by Birdie on Sept 23, 2010 21:07:39 GMT -5
Good ones Occ! |
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 24, 2010 0:17:05 GMT -5
2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
No it's the front of the line for rectal exams.Depends on whether the gun is loaded.
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 24, 2010 6:01:09 GMT -5
2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
As a matter of fact it is. Pity you didn't get here just a few minutes sooner before it ended.
3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
Well now that you mention it, my dog hasn't been walked all day and my lawn needs mowing. How fast can you get to my house?
4. You're conducting a meeting when you are asked...
Can I go to the bathroom?
Well you're certainly free to try but if you're unsuccessful, might I suggest coffee and a bran muffin, it usually works for me.
This is fun!!! Good Job Occupant! I thought you might like these. |
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 24, 2010 6:06:27 GMT -5
1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
Not at all. I'm trying to quit smoking by hypnotizing myself.
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 24, 2010 20:07:07 GMT -5
5. You exchange business cards and are asked...
Is this your email address/phone number?
No it's my ex's so be sure to call early and often.
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Post by Occupant on Sept 25, 2010 12:38:54 GMT -5
Good ones True!!!
1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
Juggler, no not at all, it's just these balls are really HOT...ooo ow ooo!!!
10. You're obviously pregnant when someone asks...
Are you pregnant?
No, but don't feel bad, I get that all the time. It's actually a botched Brazilian butt lift, I had it done in a clinic in Tijuana....DUH, what was I thinking?
9. You've in an elevator and are asked...
Got the time?
Ooooo, sorry no, I'm only going to the 4th floor but I'm flattered you asked.
7. You've just ordered dinner and are asked...
Would you like something to drink?
Yes, bring us your cheapest wine and keep it coming, we're celebrating our graduation from AA today. You know what, on second thought why don't you cancel the food order, we'll just have the wine, thank you.
8. You've finished your meal and are asked...
Are you done?
Well the food hasn't killed me yet, should I be worried?
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Post by Uncommon Sense on Sept 25, 2010 21:30:15 GMT -5
1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
“Shhhh…2005….2006…..20007….Wow! I have a lot of balls!
2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
“I hope not….I was hoping to make it to retirement”
3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
“But I just paid you in full?...”
4. You're conducting a meeting when you are asked...
Can I go to the bathroom?
“I don’t think the janitor would like that”
5. You exchange business cards and are asked...
Is this your email address/phone number?
“No, I got the cards at a flee market”
6. You're in public and a mother asks...
Isn't my baby beautiful?
“But Mom, I thought you were just putting on a little weight”
7. You've just ordered dinner and are asked...
Would you like something to drink?
“Naw….I’ll just shove it down with this spoon”
8. You've finished your meal and are asked...
Are you done?
“Oh! Can we do it again?”
9. You've in an elevator and are asked...
Got the time?
“I don’t know….how fast is this elevator?”
10. You're obviously pregnant when someone asks...
Are you pregnant?
“I don’t know? It happened so fast! Do you know something I don’t know?”
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Post by True Patriot on Sept 25, 2010 23:01:30 GMT -5
WOW!! Those were really good Unc. 1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
Naw. I just can't decide which one flies the best.I'm studying inertia. 2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
Not at all. This is an azz-kissing contest and you're the first contestant. 3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
Yeah, change. 4. You're conducting a meeting when you are asked...
Can I go to the bathroom?
No.If you don't like the proposal just say so.To do what? 5. You exchange business cards and are asked...
Is this your email address/phone number?
I'm not sure. I've never called myself.No that's the combination to the safe. 6. You're in public and a mother asks...
Isn't my baby beautiful?
Is that what that is? 7. You've just ordered dinner and are asked...
Would you like something to drink?
Do I look thirsty?No. I'll just cut the steak into very small pieces.You're not my type. 8. You've finished your meal and are asked...
Are you done?
No. Medium rare.Not as much as the steak. 9. You've in an elevator and are asked...
Got the time?
For?Depends. How much? 10. You're obviously pregnant when someone asks...
Are you pregnant?
Why? Are you adopting?I wasn't 8 months ago.Why do you ask?Are you calling me fat? |
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Birdie
Lecturer
Pilgrim
Love is Tweet!
Posts: 771
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Post by Birdie on Sept 26, 2010 13:55:24 GMT -5
Some great answers! Y'all are funny! |
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Post by Renarde on Apr 5, 2011 11:07:20 GMT -5
1. You're a juggler, and as you're performing you are asked...
Are you a juggler?
* No, I’m Obsessive Compulsive and I’m trying to save the world.
* No, I just have too many balls to carry.
2. You're standing in line and you are asked...
Is this the end of the line?
*Yes I’m last, but for ten bucks you can take my place.
3. After you finish checking out at the store the clerk asks...
Will there be anything else?
* I don’t know, what else can you do?
5. You exchange business cards and are asked...
Is this your email address/phone number?
* Actually, no. I've been meaning to get new cards with my current e-mail & phone number, but I still have a box and a half of these old cards I have to get rid of.
6. You're in public and a mother asks...
Isn't my baby beautiful?
* Why yes it is, the mother must have been a real looker!
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Post by True Patriot on Apr 5, 2011 23:02:17 GMT -5
6. You're in public and a mother asks... Isn't my baby beautiful? * Why yes it is, the mother must have been a real looker! [/color][/b] [/quote] Nothing like a little Sambuca through the nose. Very good! Can you imagine? So funny. |
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Post by gabriel on Oct 19, 2011 7:02:50 GMT -5
You know when you're doing something, say changing a tyre on your car, and someone comes up to you and asks you what are you doing?
It goes through my mind...what the deleted expletive do you think I'm doing? Picking my nose? Saving a rainforest?
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Post by Occupant on Oct 19, 2011 20:52:15 GMT -5
Reminds me of something comedian David Brenner said years ago -
He was riding on a train and there was a newspaper on the seat that he was sitting on. A man came over to him, pointed to the paper and said - excuse me, are you reading that? Brenner stood up, turned the page, sat back down and replied - yes, I am, but you can have it when I'm done. 
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